11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
