i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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