Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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