I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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