Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
