So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
