i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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