to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You ate ashes out of my bong
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
