The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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