More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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