Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
