oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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