she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
