omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
