literally had 100 drinks last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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