apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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