Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
