Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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