Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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