Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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