she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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