Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
