Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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