wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
