it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
