I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
