HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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