just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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