you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did I show you my penis last night?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
