im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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