Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
