The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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