We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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