Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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