so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
