Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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