They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
