remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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