my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm getting married
To pizza
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
