His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
