Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
