so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
