dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
