Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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