we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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