That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
