Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
