so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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