Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
