I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
