you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Randomize
