after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
