i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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