I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I didn't notice because vodka
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
