oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
