I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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