It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can you repeat that, but with context?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
