Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
