the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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