So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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