it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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