I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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