i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
