Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
they need to just BURY HIM!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
