I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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