My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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