Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
