She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
