You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
