the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
MIDGETS
????
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize