I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
