Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
