yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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