It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
